New Year | Thoughts, Reflection and Rambling

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Friday, January 08, 2016

So it’s that time of year again, when we all reflect on the year we’ve had and either cry with disappointment or pat ourselves on the back. I’ve always loved the start of the year. I can always feel an electricity in the air because everyone’s bursting with hope and excitement about the upcoming year even if it is just a “I hope it’s not as shit as the last one.”

Every time someone asks me about my year I always automatically say, “uhh it was alright” because usually all my years range from pretty crap to alright, but this year I actually had a pretty decent year despite what my mouth says. I went through some pretty big changes and I really think I’ve grown and learned so much more about who I am and how I fit into this world and also how to exist in this world as someone completely and thoroughly true to my self.

So let’s look back at some of the things I’m proud of this year.

I started University
This perhaps wasn’t my most thought out decision but I think I heard someone say that all the best ideas happen in the spur of the moment. I picked a course I really didn’t know much about and landed myself right in the deep end and it actually payed off. I never would have thought it but I actually like going to Uni and learning. I like learning. This degree really has changed me for the better and I’m really thankful even though my heart is still really pushing me towards design communication.

I had my own exhibition
I keep downplaying this in my head but it was actually a pretty big deal for me. I mean I actually had an exhibition in the Auckland Festival of Photography.

I got into the Top Art exhibition and got an Outstanding Scholarship in photography
Another thing I downplay a lot. Photography was just something I tried because I couldn’t draw and I like to hoard physical things, and I wanted to be able to hoard the beautiful things I saw too, so to see that other people actually thought what I did was actually half decent was pretty cool.

Challenged myself creatively
This year was a bit of a slack one creatively, but while I didn’t pursue my big passions, (photography and writing) I did get a little more into film, even though that was mainly making a few crappy make-shift videos.

Made new friendships
I met a LOT of people this year, and it was a lot I’m not going to lie. However, I think this was a good thing for me as person because I’m not as afraid of people as I used to be.

Got a Job
This is most definitely the thing I’m happiest about. Money used to put such a strain on me. I wasn’t able to do a lot of the things everyone else could do and I always felt pressure because I had to say no to things not because I didn’t like someone’s company, but because I didn’t have the means to. Getting a job hasn’t just helped me financially but personally too and I’ve loved that I can help my family out with things and be a little more independent.

Natural Hair Journey
Lordy lord, my hair’s come a long way and this year is officially my 4th year anniversary of being relaxer free and my 2nd year of being fully natural. It’s been good to get to know my hair a little more and I can’t help but feel a little more myself because of it.

Sang at an event
This was definitely a highlight just because it made me remember how much I actually do like singing and performing and it reignited a passion that I thought had retired to a gentle simmer.

So now the looking back’s all done and dusted it’s time to look forward, even though the thought terrifies me. I remember I was sitting in some assembly at my old high school and they’d invited some guy to come and speak and inspire us or something and I guess it kind of worked on me because something he said really stayed me with me.

Where you start isn’t where you’re going to end up.

I don’t know why but that phrase has given me comfort, just in everything.

In the last few days of year I used to sit down and write down a list of resolutions as long as your arm, but last year I tried something different. This was mainly because when I sat down to review the list the following year, it was always kind of disappointing. I think planning your life out like that is a little dangerous, because when you look back at your list and you haven’t accomplished a lot of things on it, you equate it to failure. But I’ve learned that not being able to tick a few things of a list does not mean you have failed at life, it just means you haven’t ticked a few things off a list.

I’ve seen a few people focus their year around a central idea or a world, so I decided to follow suit and after having a long hard think I have settled on two words for the year.

Wholehearted and Make

In the past I’ve been a little bit of a passenger and I really haven’t had much of a passion for life and this year I want that to change and I want my life to be something that I actually like being present for (funny that).

So here we go, lets see if it works out this year.

Wish me luck.

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